well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
