pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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