beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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