its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
