Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
me + whiskey = a bad person
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
