he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
