Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
worst night to have a conscience
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
A bitchslap is in order.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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