i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he just fucked me for my cheese..
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
