i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
