I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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