OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
