This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
