he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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