Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
