I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
