i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
