I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my being single is dangerous.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
false alarm, still single
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
