O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
