I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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