Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
