May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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