We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
