so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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