i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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