I smell stomach acid.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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