i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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