I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
my liver is dry heaving
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
