I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
