the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
