We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
