I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
