she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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