ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
