I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
