This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
