dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
