I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
