420 ftw
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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