I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
