I cannot find my penis.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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