Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
