saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
