He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dicks are not precious.
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