dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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