Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
