I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
