I hate your face
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
