Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
