im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
