i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
