He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
