you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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