So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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